Monday Like A Motherfucker

The following events, yes all of them, took place on Monday, June 7th, 2021.

9am

I arrived at the Avis/Budget car rental in Tulsa to pick up the vehicle I reserved a month prior. I was sure to speak with them in advance to be sure that I had everything in order so there would be no surprises. Besides looking for a place to live, leaving the car behind so we I did not have to deal with it during our move in July was major reason for this trip. During this transaction the woman behind the counter tells me that since I am paying with a debit, there will be a credit check, which I was not informed of when I called in advance to be sure my payment method would be accepted. Of course I did not pass the credit check, so I was denied the ability to rent the car I had reserved. After exploring every option I could think of, I decided I would just have to drive the car back home to New Mexico, and deal with it at a later time. I am also concerned because I have only been able to make one quality inquiry into a home, being that the housing market is a nightmare right now. This trip may have been for naught.

11am

Just a few miles into my trip a woman cuts me off to pass the car ahead of her, but instead of passing just matches its speed, which is five miles per hour below the speed limit, thus blocking me and several other cars. When the car she was behind turns I pass her on the right and give her a thumbs down. At the next stop light she opens her window and starts screaming at me that she is going to turn me into her ex-husband, who is a police officer, to which I respond with the reasonable observation that she was the one entirely in the wrong, legally and as a decent human being. This causes her to throw a ceramic coffee cup at me, which bounces off my door. Just before she speeds off her passenger gives me a look that says, “Dude, I know. Sorry.” I did not have time to mess around so I just kept driving, but another vehicle who was pissed she littered the road with ceramic shards chased her as she drove away wildly.

12pm

While driving along the turnpike the car in from of me swerves hard to hit a turtle on the road. Somehow the turtle goes flying through the air like in Mario Cart. I consider pulling this person over to punch them in the throat for being such a colossal piece of shit, but decide not to.

1pm

As me and five other cars come over a hill, an oversize load escort car has stopped on the highway and is turning around to get on a side road. Luckily we all managed to stop in time, but it was severely close. At this point I start becoming concerned about the carefree activity of the prankster gods on that day, but assure myself it is bound to get better.

1:30pm

A car repeatedly slows down to be passed, then speeds up to pass me, and after about three times of this I become concerned there is something going on with this person and decide to pull of the road to put some distance between us. Fortunately Gloss Mountain is right there, so I decide to stop there and hike up it to stretch my legs and get some air. (Gloss Mountain area shown in photo above.)

2pm

I leave Gloss Mountain and immediately run into a construction area that was very poorly planned, and results in a 20 minute delay. My 10.5 hour trip is turning into a 12+ hour trip very quickly, and on top of that I slept poorly the night before and woke up early, then got a late start. Seriously, this has to get better, right?

3pm

As I was driving through Mooreland, Oklahoma westward on Highway 412 the driver in front of me, with Arkansas plates, saw a patrol unit and slammed on her brakes, dipping far below the speed limit. The patrol unit entered the highway and kept a close distance behind me. I assumed that the officer intended to pull over the vehicle ahead of me, the one which was speeding before slamming on their brakes, and since another vehicle in the left lane kept pace next to the patrol unit, I tried moving far enough ahead so that they could pass. Eventually they did pass, but then suddenly changed course, got back behind me, and pulled me over. The officer asked why I was following so closely and I explained the situation. He immediately followed by asking me if I had a New Mexico medical marijuana license, and I truthfully told him I did. He then asked me if I had any marijuana on me and how much. It was a K9 unit so lying was not even an option, so I told him I had a small amount and then handed him the marijuana in question. At this point he told me that my New Mexico medical marijuana prescription was not valid in Oklahoma, despite the latter state also having legal medical marijuana, and told me I would be getting a ticket. He then ticketed me for possession of the marijuana and paraphernalia, but gave me a warning for the following too closely. The tickets total about $800, which is why he chose me over the driver actually causing safety concerns to the people of Mooreland. I will be fighting this in court next month, since I will soon be an Oklahoma resident with a medical cannabis license.

4pm

I suddenly realize that I am in a town I am unfamiliar with on this route, which causes me to notice that I missed a turn about ten miles back. This happened because during the search of the car, the cop must have somehow muted my phone, which was sitting in the center console, and thus silenced my map cues. I get back on track by taking a fifteen mile country road.

8pm

After everything that has happened, I arrive in Clayton, New Mexico relieved to be done with the Oklahoma portion of the drive, but extremely exhausted by the day’s events. I decide to get a room at a cheap motel and sleep before driving the 4.5 hours back home the next morning. When I pull into the motel I only see one car, but a sign on the door informs me that the business is not open, and reservations must be made 24 hours in advance by phone, which seems to defy the purpose of a roadside motel in the middle of nowhere. I go to the only open store, a Family Dollar, to look for a cheap tent to camp. They do not sell them, but the young woman working there hears my story and offers to pay for the expensive room at another motel which I feel is out of my budget, and though I am refreshed by her kindness and generosity, I decline. I do not want to be a burden on this lovely person. I keep driving.

10:30pm

I arrive in Las Vegas, New Mexico – where I lived when I first moved to this state – and am granted use of a friend’s mother’s abandoned home to sleep in. The house is beautiful, and located in a gorgeous, remote location. I receive news that the home I applied for has accepted our applications, and am relieved that at least that aspect of my trip was successful. I sleep well that night in the stillness of this place, interrupted only by eager mice who hope I have brought them some food to share.


In the following days I have experienced an unusual amount of inner peace and acceptance. Monday shook me so damn hard that it has made me, at least temporarily, uncharacteristically unshakeable. I am not saying I would ever choose to have a day like that again, but if a cessation of personal turmoil is the result, I wouldn’t exactly choose not to. Sometimes you have to lose a lot to win.

2 thoughts on “Monday Like A Motherfucker

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