Coming In Cold – Beer, Toss, Cops

In 2004 I attended a keg party in the backyard of a friend of an acquaintance in Iowa City. The party itself was non-exceptional, although I did get to see the acquaintance Jello wrestle her sister in a kiddie pool, which was uncomfortably amusing and transfixingly creepy. To be honest, I didn’t care much for that acquaintance and her group of friends, so by the time the cops showed up to break up the party, I was feeling flippant.

As I crept around the garage I noticed the cops were walking away along a perpendicular wall, and I had a sudden idea to lob my Solo Cup full of cheap keg beer over the top of the garage at them. I eventually learned it was only a near hit, but before I could run away some dumbass positioned between me and the cops started to yell at me. This brought him to the attention of the cops, who immediately fingered him as the tosser of the beer.

The two cops just tackled this dude, and I knew he was in for some rough stuff, so I decided to intervene and confess. The cops could not believe it, and given their current unjustified aggression and some basic respect for my honesty, they took it easy on me. Had that dumbass kept his mouth shut I would have gotten away and the cops would have been confused and carried on with other business. But even though he got us into that situation, I couldn’t let him take their wrath for what I had done, so I spent the night in jail on a disorderly behavior charge.

At this point I was in a relationship whose writing was on the wall, and I knew that there was going to be some shit to deal with when I got home. Being chock full of bad decisions, before going home, I made my way up to the rooftops in downtown Iowa City and had a few shots of courage from a bottle me and some friends had recently stashed there, then headed off toward my fate. As I expected my girlfriend was absolutely furious and this was the turning point. Within a few weeks I went to stay with my brother while our relationship drew out its inevitable fracture. However on that day was the long awaited Cold House reunion, so we had to put on our happy faces and go play with our friends. We didn’t do a very good job. In fact the only picture I have of us is on that day, sitting several feet apart in lawn chairs, and her wearing an expression of pure disappointment and fury. That’s fair, really.

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