Martha Stewart Makes Stunning Marilyn Manson Allegation

The Queen of Kitchen & Craft has revealed what happened when she visited the shock rocker’s home several years ago.

In a public statement she gave this morning Martha Stewart shared a mind-blowing account of the behavior she was confronted with by Marilyn Manson. Manson has recently been in the news as a number of allegations have been made about his possibly abusive behavior, most notably by Evan Rachel Wood, who dated Manson for years and later testified to lawmakers about abuse she suffered by from Manson. In doing so she was able to get legislation passed which extends the statute of limitations for sexual assault cases, which is good for actual victims of sexual abuse, but a frightening example of how deep we are getting into the letting-unhinged-celebrities-obtain-political-power-abyss.

Manson has called the accusations ‘mischaracterizations’ and many reputable people close to him regard the accusations as fabrications which are exploiting the popularity of #metoo in order to advance the accuser’s careers, by retrospectively reimagining events that were consensual and mutually desired as acts of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. Critics of his accusers have also pointed how social media has influenced our behaviors to conform to an attention economy that incentivizes this specific type of falsehood.

Last night Martha Stewart made a suggestive Tweet which seemed to say she would be sharing her own accounts of abuse by Manson today, and social media went wild with speculation about what occurred between Stewart and Manson. It wasn’t quite what anybody expected.

On two occasions I visited the home of Marilyn Manson. During my first visit, which was with our mutual friend Snoop Dogg, we smoked a blunt and did some nitrous and had generally pleasant conversation. He invited me to return sometime to try his crepes, which he told me another mutual friend claimed were better than mine. Two weeks later I went back to his house and he had made a full spread, with his signature crepes topped in a variety of sweet and savory ways, and they actually were better than mine. Afterwards we did some blow, played foosball, and then watched Wizard of Oz with his album Antichrist Superstar playing along. I couldn’t believe how well they matched up, but he swears it was unintentional. Then he gave me a ride home. He was a perfect gentleman and an idea brunch host with some rather obtuse views on cross-stitch technique.

Martha Stewart

Stewart did not reveal her thoughts on the allegations, but Chef Guy Fieri retweeted her statement and then shared his own opinion on Manson and the abuse allegations.

Marilyn Manson is a great dude, and if you think his crepes are fantastic, you really should try his grilled eggplant parmesan with roasted olive risotto. One thing I notice about all of these claims is that none of them are saying they said to stop, or tried to get away. I know that is sometimes the case with abused women, but none of these accusers strike me as Stockholm Syndrome sufferers. These are powerful, willful women who do not display any of the dependency and attachment that is characteristic of abused women who do not fight back or try to escape. And since the two accusers who suggested imprisonment were working on successful projects outside of his home, I find that hard to buy, too. To be honest I don’t know if he is innocent or guilty, but even if he is guilty it is only of behaving exactly how you would expect Marilyn Manson to behave – kinky and dangerous.

Guy Fieri

Manson has not responded to either Stewart or Fieri publicly, but reports reveal Manson’s close friend Johnny Depp has confirmed the deliciousness of both the crepes and eggplant dish. In recent years Depp has faced similar allegations from Wood’s friend Amber Heard, but both public opinion and legal realities have turned towards Depp’s favor – adding to the suspicion that we have inadvertantly created the conditions in which the stigma of abuse allegations has been replaced with perverse incentive.

Rachel Ray has not made herself available for comment.

13 thoughts on “Martha Stewart Makes Stunning Marilyn Manson Allegation

      1. I have another site full of nothing but satire and a bit more on this one. My satire generally doesn’t appeal to the Godcons or Scilibs so it generally goes over the majority of people’s heads, but always glad to hear someone genuinely appreciated it.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s