Florida Veterinarian Files for License to Marry A Meme

The Port St. Lucie woman says she has never cared much for people, and has also become a bit jaded about animals, but claims that she has met the love of her life, and ‘Meme of my dreams.’

Jacklyn Sherrill has dedicated the past 17 years of her life to caring for everything from pets and farm animals, to pythons and monkeys that were injured when some members of these invasive species got a bit too close to human populations. She describes herself as a curmudgeon and misanthrope, even though I found her quite pleasant and polite during our discussion. Yet despite her friendly disposition, some part of her seems to always be trying to escape our interaction.

“When I was a little girl I had a very sort of twisted sense of humor. I have no idea where it came from, but I really cannot remember a time I was not amused by the morbid, macabre and ironic. I was sort of obsessed, and it didn’t make me very popular with the other kids. Even my family kinda treated me like they expected me to stab them to death in their sleep eventually. And so I took refuge in my imagination and my pets, whom I expect my parents bought me so there would be a warning sign if they started mysteriously dying. So yeah, not much of a people person you might say.”

Sherrill is a very respected member of the veterinarian community. She has won several awards, maintained an intense ongoing education to keep up with new knowledge and techniques, and has even innovated a few brilliant surgical methods of her own. She is hardly the kind of person you would call unsettled. While her social tolerance may be limited, her intellect and sanity remain on point.

“In the last five years or so I have felt my excitement for animals wane. It is not that I do not love them dearly, or wish to find a new path; I just realized that they weren’t enough anymore. I tried dating a few times and it was awful. The guys and gals I went out with were all perfectly fine people, but it became clear that intimacy just creeped me out. But it was all worth it because otherwise I would have never gotten on social media and met my one true love.”

The once existentially deprived vet says she had almost no awareness of memes before joining both Facebook and Instagram a few years ago. Her work and her studies kept her away from popular culture almost completely. The only real media consumption she partook of was a stack of old country records she inherited from her grandma, mostly of female performers like Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton, which she would listen to while doing housework in her free time.

“At first I was very confused about all of these silly little images everyone was sharing. Most of them required cultural knowledge I just didn’t have. But then one day I saw it, and suddenly everything made sense. Everything about, you know, not just my life, but about memes. For someone like myself, I have very little time for entertainment, but I can spend a couple of minutes looking at memes between patients and get just enough of a kick out of it to push on.”

Jacklyn will not reveal the exact meme, in order to ‘protect its identity’, however she did give us a pretty big hint by revealing the subject of her ‘soulmeme’.

“I didn’t even really know who this Danzig guy was, but his image and those words combined just sparked something in me the moment I saw it.”

Even though Glenn Danzig, iconic punk and heavy metal musician, has never been married and has scoffed at the institution on several occasions in the past, a meme bearing his likeness could become the first macro image to be bound by matrimony.

“The marriage license has been in the system for months now. The judge decided to allow it, but was concerned that a meme could not be bound to marital exclusivity due to complicated intellectual property laws and social media legal practices. So basically I had to have a document drawn up declaring an open marriage, which is fine by me since I am asexual.”

Her grin at that little joke reassured me that, no matter how crazy this all seems, she at least understood how absurd it appears and has a sense of humor about it.

“People reach out to me all the time and tell me I am just looking for attention. I won’t deny that. I think the idea of being the first person to marry a meme is kinda fun. It’s a crazy world and this is a pretty harmless gesture. But besides that, every day I come home from a long day of dog slobber, cat scratches and neurotic pet owners, and my main meme squeeze is right there to make me smile and feel at home. Isn’t that what love is really all about?”

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