Residents of Greatville have begun protesting a local convenience store after accusing an employee of anti-religious language.
This morning a crowd formed at the Gas n’ Grab on the south side of town. They were armed with signs and bullhorns and asking customers to boycott the business on grounds of religious intolerance.
When asked what the protest was about, the man who appeared to be their leader spoke on the groups behalf.
“Last night I came here to buy a group lottery ticket for the church choir and was shocked when the young man behind the counter finished our interaction by telling me to ‘have a good one’. A good what? In the Bible our Lord creates day and night. He went out of His way to differentiate them, and I don’t need no community college atheist mocking His will when I hand over my hard earned money,” said Graham Allsup, a local Sunday School teacher.
Another woman, who asked not to be identified, continued, “There are only two parts of a day. Day and night. What is next? Will we all have to pretend that there is no day and night, and have to use a bunch of liberal garbage words to describe what part of the day it is?”
The woman became visibly irritated when I asked her about dusk, dawn, afternoon and evening.
The employee who sparked this outrage has responded to the protest over social media, and appears confused about the outrage he provoked.
“To be honest, I had completely lost track of time. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. I just wanted the guy to enjoy his life. WTF?!?!?”
A franchise spokesperson has offered those offended an apology and stated that the company is looking into religious sensitivity training to avoid any future incidents.
“We understand that this is a time of great sensitivity, and that taking responsibility for meeting the public’s standards is key to not just the success of our business, but of the communities which support them.”
A photo of a sign from the protest immediately went viral, which read:
“He made the moon – He made the sun – He made them two – And not one”
Several commentators have called the incident ‘peak triggering’ and ‘the height of victim culture’ – noting that the very same people generally known for decrying everyone else as snowflakes have finally revealed that their melting temperature is the lowest of them all.
“If these atheist commies continue to erode the fabric of this great Christian nation with their hate speech and war on day and night, God shall smite the sun and bring His reckoning to our vanity,” remarked a man on Facebook, who listed his job as ‘Owning Libtards’.
Another user replied, “this muh gunna hav god shut dem sun down to teach uze foolz – an yall gunna stil keep trippn bout climit chanj?”
To which yet another pleaded, “God, if you are there, can you trying unplugging humanity for sixty seconds and then plugging us back in? It’s a real mess down here.”