We finally have some answers about who killed JFK and why they did it.
As a Catholic it just didn’t set well with assassinated former president John Fitzgerald Kennedy that children were being buggered by individuals who had never even been ordained as priests. At a charity dinner just weeks before his death he hinted at a shadowy ring of pedophiles who were covertly subverting our otherwise totally benevolent government by buying it out from under the American people and then fucking their kids.
EVERY FAMOUS PERSON WHO HAS EVER DIED WAS ABOUT TO EXPOSE A PEDOPHILE RING AND HAD TO BE TAKEN OUT.
Malcolm X, David Bowie and even Abraham Lincoln were all privy to information about organized molestation and were just sitting on that info until the right moment, which never came, thanks to assassinations made to look political, or more recently, like a suicide.
Somehow the only person who has outwitted these slippery baby buggerers and managed to escape their assassins has been Corey Feldman, who himself was forced as a child to suck so many dicks that it gave him a weird lisp which persists to this day. I reached out to find out what his secret to survival was, but was told that unless I got a tattoo of him and scheduled his band a paying gig I could pretty much go fuck off. Just not with kids, lest he reveal me.
Obviously I am completely making this shit up, and of course it is the dumbest thing you have ever read, but WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? Why does every celebrity death have to be co-opted by paranoiacs with shady ideological agendas? And why do so many people believe there are pedophiles everywhere? What kind of fucked up fantasy do you live in where everybody in power is fucking kids and only your social media posts and comments can stop them?
You are not doing the actual victims of pedophiles any favors by co-opting their terror to weaponize your political worldview. You are making a mockery of their pain by exploiting their experiences with your agenda.
And most actual pedophiles aren’t some kind of power-brokering Satanic monsters, they are regular people who got a twisted sexual imprint along the way. Instead of dehumanizing and demonizing them we should be exercising some empathy and helping them to vanquish their perverted impulses with dignity and humanity. That also happens to be the most sustainable way of actually preventing molestation, but we move further away from those kind of solutions every time ‘pedophile’ is used a generic accusation to dismiss ideological opponents. Solutions don’t tend to pile up around loaded buzzwords.
So for the fucking sake of everything that’s not yet completely idiotic, please stop doing that shit. If somebody dies and your first impulse is to appropriate that loss then you’re the asshole. NO PIZZA FOR YOU!