Emotional Support Animal Owners vs. The Redneck Parking & Storage Welfare State

Who has more sense of entitlement, an emo peacock smuggler, or the asshole who owns multiple vehicles and thinks public roads are their private storage?

Any time you see something slightly unusual in the news you can find a comments section full of people busily pointing out that it is a sign of the degradation of humanity and a harbinger of the end times. Whether it is a video of goth kids dancing under a bridge, hobby horse dressage shows or news that somebody tried to get their emotional support peacock on an airplane – there will be mountains of indignant outrage at those norm-hating freaks trying to destroy civilization.

That conservative outrage is paired with the presumption that the subjects of their outrage are fully known to them. Because these individuals dared to challenge WASP sensibilities they must obviously be stupid, entitled brats. That is the accusation that will come up every single time conservative outrage hits the stage. Entitlement.

And yet there is not a day that goes by that I do not find conservative entitlement everywhere. Whether it is the risk management of imperialist warfare and corporatism or the puritanical entitlement to a false sense of security evident in support for the drug war and other victimless crimes, you can find conservative entitlement everywhere. And it is by far the most costly entitlement of them all. A million atheist schools for trans commies wouldn’t cost even a fraction.

However I do not have to look any further than my own street for evidence of entitlement by those with the most conservative proclivities. Every single redneckish, manly man who owns three vehicles and at least one thing that can be pulled behind their truck(s) can be found regularly using public property to store their private property. That redneck consumerism that I talked about often results in multiple vehicle ownership which might make sense on a farm, but is an idiotic compulsion in a tightly packed urban area like mine.

The result is that there are more cars than places to store them, and vehicles that do not get used for weeks or months on end litter the street as visibility and navigation hazards which, besides drivers trying to use these streets, also endanger pedestrians, bicyclists and children at play. They become obstacles for maintenance crews who clean the streets in the warm months and plow them in the winter. One third of the streets in the two block radius around me have not been plowed properly even once these winter because of the redneck parking and storage welfare schemes.

Listen up you entitled redneck shitheads. The fact that you have too many vehicles is a you problem. It is not the problem of every taxpayer who contributes so that they can use clean and clear roads. Take responsibility for your shit. You are not entitled to the fucking streets just because you failed to plan for your compulsive consumption of things that go vroom. There is no reason that my vehicle should suffer the unnecessary undercarriage damage that results in driving on roads that cannot be properly plowed because you cannot face your death and need to cover it up with the empty game of hoarding shit you don’t need.

Man the fuck up!

Whew…glad to have gotten that out.

Yes, there is a lot of equivocation here. There are a lot of black and white presentations of people and ideas that lack any subtlety or nuance. Yes, I know those stereotypes are flawed. This is not a lesson in absolutes, it is a general rant, and you probably know exactly what I mean by it.

Carrying on then…

Normal people don’t try to board a plane with a hamster or a peacock, and claim it is an emotional necessity. Normal people just take advantage of everything around them. Day in and day out they take for granted their own entitlements, and often cannot even recognize them as such, or at all. However that rust spot on my fender that has spread to alarming proportions was entirely free of emo millennial entitlement; it was the  result of losing a piece of undercarriage protection which was torn off by a snow chunk on a street that was understandably poorly plowed because some jackass thinks he gets to park his eight foot wide trailer on it year round.

Give me weirdo entitlement any fucking day of the week, swear to fuck.

Also, it would be cheaper. Poor road maintenance costs taxpayers more money over time, because it leads to faster degradation and disrepair. Ya’all dumbass conservatives cannot even be fiscally consistent.

When I discuss a conservative, I am discussing a completely different range than most people mean. Conservative for me begins with any mainstream, normative political ideology. A democrat is a conservative, probably with a few sprinkles of acceptance they mistake as progressiveness. They are not anti-authoritarian or generally opposed to norms, except when it is politically expedient. If you vote in a federal election you are conservative, regardless of how you vote. How you vote just determines, in my mind, how far along the conservative scale you are. But for the sake of this rant specifically, consider the label as equating with centrists and mainstream conservatives from the midwest, and everyone further along the redneck spectrum.


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