Resume – Devil’s Expert

Summary

Classically trained practitioner of the Dark Arts and foremost expert on Satan with degrees in Luciferian history, science and philosophy. Extensive knowledge in all things devilish with twenty years experience within the forbidden field. Desire to extend my practice and experience into all arenas of life where knowledge of the Deciever would benefit myself, others and the Shunned Lord.

Career Highlights

*Held the first ever Black Mass in a public school disguised as a motivational speaker and collected 665 virgin souls in single delightening, missing Lucifers record by only one.

*Testified as a scientist or expert in hundreds of court cases defending prophets of the Morning Stars works.

*Devised the ‘weapons of mass destruction’ marketing brand which helped the international banking and defense contractors increase profits several fold while decreasing potential prophets.

*Author of a dozen popular children’s stories.

Experience

Primary Consultant-
World Governments
July 1996 – Present (18 years 1 months)
The Illusory World
Adversarial Adviser to Authoritarians

Creative solutions for overcoming the problem of Original Grace and subverting mankind to its base instincts while constructing systematic artifices to uphold these patterns of evil.

Skills: Avarice, Hubris and Ambition

Chief Dirtside Minion-
Satan
December 1991 – Present (22 years 8 months)
The Fallen Garden
Evil Management and Marketing Solutions

Performed a number of tasks disrupting the free will of the fallen human race in order to bring their souls to the enemy of their creator.

Skills: Patience, Humor, Bloodlust

Floor Sales-
Radio Shack
February 2006 – November 2006 (9 months)
Des Moines, Iowa
Sales and Service

This job was a front necessitated by Lucifers lust for a philosophy masters candidate working on her thesis on Nietzschean dialectics while working at Radio Shack to pay rent. My task was to bring her into the service of Satan so that He could anoint her loins with the seed of the Antichrist. Achieved in three months, stayed another six for the great merchandise discounts.

Skills: Bergeracian Poetry, Malevolence Marketing and Ruphynol Dispenser

Education

Institute of Eternal Suffering
Vocational
Devils Advocacy, Soul Procurement, Pleas to Vanity
2004 – 2006
Graduated Classless Valedictorian
Dishonor Society
Unscrupulous Certification

University Of Iowa
Doctorate
Marketing, Political Science, Ballet
1995 – 2003
President of Students for Satan and Chartering Founder of the Campus Antichrist Ministries.

Certifications

Strategic Expert
Illuminati
April 2011
Architectural Advisor for the New World Order

Lifeguard
River Styx
May 1999
Demon CPR

Evil
Lord of Lies
September 1994
Certified Evil in all Realms

Professional Memberships/Awards

Knights In Satans Service- K.I.S.S. Army General

Westboro Baptist Church- Doctrine Advisor

Most Maligned Agent of Hades 1997, 2001, 2004, 2005, 2009, 2012, 2013

Interests
Fall of Man
State of Oblivion
Animal and Pet Advocacy

Skills
Persuasion (Expert)
Deceit (Expert)
Conflict Causation (Expert)
Public Speaking and Debate (Expert)
Canadian Cuisine (Intermediate)

Languages
Human (Fluent)
Babel (Fluent)
Tongues (Fluent)

References
Satan
Fallen Angel, Inferno Inc.
666-666-6666
betrayer_kittenlover@reallyhotmail.com

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